


Make It Go Away, John!

by sherlockian4evr



Category: Sherlock (TV)
Genre: - but Lighthearted, - no, Crack, For Science!, For Sex!, Humor, Light Bondage, M/M, Safeword Use, Sherlock Being Sherlock, fleshlight
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-11-23
Updated: 2016-07-28
Packaged: 2018-05-03 01:50:05
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,368
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5272100
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sherlockian4evr/pseuds/sherlockian4evr
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sherlock's reaction to the sight of a Fleshlight is unexpected, to say the least.</p><p>Beta read by <a href="http://archiveofourown.org/users/Sherlock1110/pseuds/Sherlock1110">Sherlock1110.</a></p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

Sherlock's wrists were cuffed and attached to the headboard by lovely purple ropes. John had said he had a new surprise for him. The detective found he was curious to see what it was.

"Okay Love, I don't know if you've heard of these or not, but this," he waved a clear cylindrical object a few inches from Sherlock's face, "is a Fleshlight."

Sherlock squinted at the thing, quickly deducing its purpose. He pulled his legs up to his chest awkwardly. There was no way his cock was going into that thing. "Make it go away, John!" His voice was half commanding and half pleading.

The doctor froze, taking in Sherlock's oddly defensive form. "Seriously?" He looked from the Fleshlight back to the detective. "This scares you?"

Sherlock peeked at the Fleshlight from behind his knees. "I'm not afraid of it. Much." He just didn't like the look of the thing so he hid his face and concentrated on protecting his cock. "Whatifitgetsstuck?" Sherlock snapped his mouth shut in horror, clamping down on any other words that might try to sneak out of him without his permission.

Nothing had ever seemed so funny in John's life, but he bit down on his tongue to keep from laughing. "It's not going to get stuck," he reassured Sherlock.

"I know that!" the detective barked from behind his knees. "Because my cock isn't going anywhere near it." With that, he rolled away from John, stretching his arm painfully behind himself to do it.

This was starting to look serious. "Give me a colour, Sherlock."

Looking back over his shoulder, Sherlock said, "Red, Scarlet, Vermilion, Crimson, Ruby. Need I go on?"

"Okay, okay, Love." John rose from the bed and walked around the other side so he was in the detective's line of site. As he placed the Fleshlight on the windowsill, he couldn't help adding, "I'm putting the evil Fleshlight down and backing away." John's hands were raised to the side of his head and a slight chuckle escaped him.

Sherlock glared at him. "You're being condescending. How pedestrian."

The glare and the insult were typical of an embarrassed consulting detective so only served to make John feel protective. He sat on the bed. "You can relax, now. Here." The doctor reached to unclip the ropes from Sherlock's wrist cuffs. As John helped the detective sit up, he started massaging Sherlock's shoulders.

The detective melted into John's hands and gave a purr of satisfaction. When he was completely relaxed, Sherlock ventured a question, "Why is it clear?"

That elicited a chuckle from John. "Use that big brain and deduce it." The doctor softened his teasing by placing a kiss on Sherlock's shoulder.

"It must be so the process of achieving climax can be observed." The detective tilted his head to the side invitingly. John took the invitation and nibbled, sucked, licked along the long column of bare flesh.

"Spot on," the doctor whispered into the shell of Sherlock's ear.

The detective spun, a light sparking in his eyes. "It would be a shame for the Fleshlight to sit unused for an indefinite period of time. You should use it."

"Alright," John agreed with a grin.

"You didn't even argue!" Sherlock was indignant. He was suggesting an experiment, though John didn’t know that, and his doctor was supposed to protest.

Already standing by the window, Fleshlight in hand, John quirked an eyebrow. "Was I supposed to?"

"Oh, nevermind," Sherlock huffed.

John sat down on the edge of the bed, just drinking in the sight of his beautiful sulking detective. "Nope. I won't do a thing until you explain."

Sherlock reached out hesitantly and took the Fleshlight. He brought it up to his eyes, examining it. He could see the channel within the toy where John's cock would soon be. The tip of the device glistened, so the detective touched the tip of his finger to it. It was slick with lube and he pressed his finger into it. It felt... Well, it didn't feel like John.

"Hey," the doctor objected with a hint of mirth, "Aren't you afraid it will get stuck?"

Sherlock rolled his beautiful grey-blue eyes. "The girth of my finger is considerably less than that of my cock." Those same grey-blue eyes locked on John's cock. "Can I do it?" When said cock gave an intetested twitch, the detective's face broke into a broad smile. It was his serial killer/locked room murder/learning something new about John smile.

"Yeah," John agreed with great enthusiasm. He shifted so that he could lean against the headboard and splayed his legs wide. Long elegant fingers caressed the doctor's bollocks, kneading and pulling gently in alternation, then worked their way up to grasp his cock. It didn't take long for him to achieve a full erection. Sherlock pulled his hand away, earning a low whine from John. "You are such a tease," he told the detective who was wearing a look of intense concentration.

Sherlock brought the end of the Fleshlight to touch the tip of the doctor's cock. He bit his lip and applied slow pressure. John's cock slid in with a small squelching sound.

"God, Sherlock! What are you doing?" John watched as Sherlock brought his face close to the Fleshlight. The detective's eyes were narrowed in concentration.

"Hold this, John," Sherlock ordered as he released his hold on the Fleshlight, leapt off the bed and bounded from the room. When he returned, he was wielding his mobile.

"Oh, no, Sherlock. You are not making a video of this!" John groped for a pillow and pulled it into his lap.

"But, John! It's for science." The detective put on his most innocent look.

It was the doctor's turn to roll his eyes. "Bollocks. You just want to embarrass me."

"Ridiculous," Sherlock declared before schooling his expression. He looked at John with what the other man referred to as 'puppy dog eyes'. "For sex?, then?"

"That doesn't even make sense!"

"Think, John. If I make a video of this, then I'll be able to study it. I'll know what you look like when you're inside of me and when you come in me." Sherlock resorted to a sexy pout if his lips. "It is quite valuable information."

Not for the first time, it struck John just how mad they both were. "Okay, Love. You can wipe that pitiful look off your face."

Sherlock beamed and brought the mobile up.

"Oi! Aim it down there," John admonished, pointing towards his groin.

"Move the pillow and I will."

Sherlock grinned as he caught the faint 'Cheeky bastard' that John muttered. He started the recording and focused tightly on John's cock moving within the Fleshlight. It was a bit like observing something through water, the doctor's cock appeared larger than it actually was as it pistoned in and out of the sheathing device. "Extraordinary, John," he declared, fascinated. When John finally came, it was all Sherlock could do not to clap. "Brilliant! Amazing! You simply must do that again. John... John?! I said again, John."

The doctor started laughing giddily, high on endorphins and amused by his lover. "Oh, Sherlock," he gasped out between giggles, "I'll be happy to oblige you, but not for at least 45 minutes." He let out a sigh of contentment as the detective sat beside him and curled around his lazy form.

"Maybe," Sherlock began, "It didn't look so bad. Could I perhaps reconsider my stance on the Fleshlight? I don't think it would get stuck, not after seeing it in use."

"Yeah, sure," John agreed. "Give me a moment to rest, then I'll clean it up."

Sherlock looked horrified. He grabbed the Fleshlight and scampered from the room. As he went, he called out behind him, "And waste all this valuable DNA! Absurd. I have to collect it first."

John smiled after his mad lover, thinking it said something about him that he wasn't really bothered by that pronouncement. He settled down to the familiar sound of Sherlock doing Sherlocky things and drifted off to sleep.


	2. Chapter 2

John was woken from his deep slumber by the impact of Sherlock leaping onto the bed. The detective still wore nothing but his wrist cuffs and he held the emptied and cleaned Flashlight in his hand. "My turn!" Sherlock pronounced with more enthusiasm than John had been expecting.

"Mm, I don't suppose you could try it out on your own? 'M tired."

"Nope," Sherlock said, popping the P.

"But I was asleep," John groused, not really meaning it. He propped himself up on his elbows and took in the excited flush on his lover's face. One more little jab was impossible to resist. "You do know that's really what a fleshlight is for, taking care of pesky sexual urges all by yourself."

Sherlock tipped his head back and looked down his patrician nose at the doctor. "It's your fault I have sexual urges in the first place. Before you came along, I had them safely locked away in my Mind Palace. Now, if you would be so kind," he sniffed imperiously, "my penis demands your attention."

At that John gave up. He laughed uproariously as he tackled his beloved honeybee... Honeybee?... back onto the bed and kissed him on the lips. "Your penis needs attention, does it? How about your mouth?" The doctor kissed him again, long and hard. "Or your bloody gorgeous neck?" He slipped down and licked Sherlock's neck, then sucked at his Adam's apple, before biting it gently. "Or these?" He used his fingers to tweak the detective's nipples until they formed hard little peaks.

Writhing and giggling, now, the detective waved the fleshlight in the air helplessly. "John!" he squealed, all pretence at haughtiness gone.

The doctor kissed along Sherlock's shoulder until he had pinned the flailing arm and seized the fleshlight. "Ha! Long limbs aren't everything." John held the business end up to his eye like he was looking through a telescope. He looked around the room, finally aiming it at Sherlock's crotch. "Argh! There it be, but it's missing one thing..." The doctor dropped the hand holding the toy. "You forgot the lube, babe."

The consulting detective, absolute genius said, "Oh," then he scrambled across the bed and grabbed the tube of lube from the bed side table. "Got it!" he announced proudly. "Now what?"

"Really?" the doctor asked, laughing. "Think, you git."

"Oh, yes." Sherlock opened the lube and put the tip to the opening of the fleshlight. He had missed this part of the process before, so watched with interest as the lube oozed its was a bit into the toy."

John wrapped his arms around the detective's torso. "Work it in with your fingers so the whole thing is slick."

Long, pale, dextrous fingers slipped into the fleshlight's opening. Sherlock thrust in and out a few times, watching as the lube was spread further down the toy's inner shaft. When he pulled his fingers out, he wiped the excess lube on his hardening cock. "Would you... Would you use it on me, John? Seriously? I want to know it's you that's in control. You can even connect my cuffs to the bed again."

John's eyebrows rose and he grinned. "Are you sure?" At the look Sherlock shot him, the doctor laughed. "Stupid question." John took the fleshlight and lube and set them aside, then he pushed the detective back to the mattress. He kissed Sherlock's left palm, then connected one of the ropes back to his wrist cuff. Next he did the same with his right palm and wrist. "There, are you comfy?"

Sherlock gave him a contented smile and stretched forward, seeking a kiss. John gave him one, then he proceeded to kiss him all the way from lips to toes, bypassing Sherlock's jutting cock and sensitive ballls.

"You, John Watson, are an evil man," the detective accused as he wiggled his toes that were now being sucked by the doctor.

John popped off Sherlock's toes and crawled back up the bed. "Would you rather I did this?" He reached around and rather ruthlessly tickled the backs of the detective's knees.

Sherlock squealed like a girl and thrashed around helplessly. "You are being purposefully sadistic."

"Yup," the doctor agreed with great cheer. "That's what you get for being so ridiculous about this whole thing, then waking me up from my nap." John bent and kissed the tip of Sherlock's jutting cock. "But I suppose I should show some mercy to you." He picked up the fleshlight and held it up dramatically between them so Sherlock could see it as he lowered it towards the detective's cock.

Sherlock tried to curl up again, like he had before, but John was sitting on his legs, preventing him. "John! Wait!"

The doctor dropped his head, lowering his chin to his chest. "Tell me you are kidding."

"No. Get your camera. I want to see what it looks like when I'm in you this time."

Sherlock tone made it sound as if the idea should have been obvious. John supposed it should.

The doctor fetched his mobile and set it on the bed within reach. He slipped Sherlock's cock into the fleshlight and then picked up his phone and managed to get it recording. Holding it close, he started filming as he pumped the fleshlight up and down on the detective's cock. John found himself mesmerised as he watched said cock moving inside the clear toy. The more erotic Sherlock's sounds became, the faster he pumped the fleshlight. Before too long he heard his name fall brokenly from the detective's lips as Sherlock came, spilling his semen into the toy.

John waited until Sherlock quit trembling, then gently removed the fleshlight, setting it aside. "Well, babe?"

"Mm."

"Do I need to keep this sample?"

"Mph, no. It's just mine. Boring." Sherlock wriggled his fingers, hinting for John to set him free.

The doctor released one wrist, kissed Sherlock on the lips, then released the other wrist. In a heartbeat, the detective rolled them over and lay on top of John, kissing him long and slow. "The toy can stay. I don't think anything will get stuck."

**Author's Note:**

> If you want to podfic or translate this or create a drawing based on it, go for it. Just please let me know and link back to my fic.
> 
> Follow me on [Tumblr.](http://shippingintothenight.tumblr.com)

**Works inspired by this one:**

  * [Cover for "Make It Go Away, John!"](https://archiveofourown.org/works/5274215) by [Drawn Lines (sherlockian4evr)](https://archiveofourown.org/users/sherlockian4evr/pseuds/Drawn%20Lines)




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